At this point in time, I am debating whether to buy myself a car. A car all to myself - my own ride at my disposal, anytime, anywhere.
This has been my dream for many years, and now that I think it is the right time to get it, there seemed to be so many obstacles around.
Some people say that I'm hard to please - fickle even - as I try to figure out what is the best solution here. I realised that most people are impatient with me when I try to sound them out, or share my thoughts with them. I even sense exasperation from some of the unfortunate people that I've chosen to share my dilemmas with.
I acknowledge that I should take a step back and see if it's the way I keep whining about the "what ifs" and the cons of each possible solution, that is putting people off, or it is just simply disinterest on their part. Some people even think it's just a waste of money to get a car when I can easily take public transport.
I wish my situation is a straight forward one, where I need to get a car, and I just get one that is affordable. Financially, I am able to afford a small car (although I've fallen madly in love with the Golf TSi 1.2!). BUT....there is a few "buts" here...it is not that simple.
Our house is coming soon, and that will be a big expense, the wedding is also fixed for next year, another big expense. Is it selfish and extravagant of me to buy a car now? And after we are married, is it too much for my husband and I to own our own cars? But there are married couples with their own car each, so where do we draw the line? Does it mean if they are rich, they have the right to own two cars? Just because I'm not as rich as them, I'm seen as being spend thrift to get my own car.
My new office will be in an inconvenient location, and this is what prompted me to think of buying a car. I can save at least 30 minutes of traveling time to the office with the car, and I can go gym and dance classes more easily. I can also dress up and wear my heels!
Some people also think that I'm making up excuses to buy a car, because I say I need to dress up for this job as my client is a high end designer house. And that walking to the LRT station in 2.5 inch heels from my house is causing me to perspire tons and melt my make-up. A lot of people take these as excuses. But in actual fact, I do perspire a lot - to the extent that rivulets of sweat trickle down my face and neck, making me very self conscious in the sardine packed LRT train, because I am sure the other passengers can see my sweat and maybe be put off by it! I mean, if you are standing so close to a stranger who has sweat running down his neck, how do you feel? Worse, they will think that this fat woman is so overweight that she is perspiring so much!
It seems like dressing up for work, and taking pride in one's appearance, is not a value here?
No doubt, I have a share in J's car, but he needs the car and cannot fetch me as and when I want him to. He is using the car to earn an income, so it's justifiable that he drive the car. As for me, I just want to save time.
The experience from the past week had made me feel that I'm being judged for contemplating to buy a car. I am sure my last sentence will have people saying that I am just being sensitive, etc. But be it my sensitivity or what, I am still hurt by a lot of the things that was said to me.
Another reminder to keep things to myself. Sharing my thoughts, dilemmas, and hoping for a productive discussion has not done me any good - I just get hurt again and again.
